AMANDA

Dear Stephanie,

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 14:30:54 GMT

lmfao step_a_knee.

faggot with ur lj.
lol!

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 14:32:59 GMT

shit i can't even remember wat was going on in my life last time i posted here.
well let's start with the typical updates: i'm in college @ FAU i like it for now. i live in the dorms and i can't stand them so i'll be moving to an apartment once may hits and my lease is up. it sucks that i gotta stick it out til then but meh that's life. i'm seeing someone fantastic. i've liked him for a loooooooooong time and we've been together for about 6 months solid. there was a 3 or 4 month period before that but i wasn't very serious about him and in fact ended it with him to see someone else for about a week. it was stupid and i ended that quickly and realized what an amazing guy i have. umm let's see.... friends seem to come and go like the wind and idk there's not much i can do or say about that. college brings about a huge change and idk. it went from me and my best friend being 5 mins away from each other and spending every waking moment together to me in boca her in davie and boyfriends in ftl. most people would see this as a chance for us to hang out in ftl. but to my dismay my bf doesn't particularly care for my bestie and it puts a strain on me. i love spending time with him but i miss spending time with her. idk. it's complex and it just hurts me. he thinks she's immature which she can be at times and she just doesn't understand that he doesn't wanna hang out with her. i think it hurts her that i'm with him regardless of this. i know i know chicks before dicks. but she's wrapped up in her bf and i don't see her unless she's with him so i mean... idk. it's a tricky situation. halloween night me & the bestie hung out (@ her bfs of course!) and it was fun and then i left to see my bf so i mean i do try to balance but its hard. idk. i hate being 3rd or 5th wheel (my other good friend is dating bestie's bf's neighbor) and my bf doesn't like the lot of them so i hang out with them and i'm odd girl out. i try my best to cope with it but its hard. idk. i know people have it way worse in life and i'm lucky if that's the only thing i really can complain about.
school is much harder then i thought it would be. i'm just not at all motivated to go to class or anything. i just can't seem to get myself to care about it.
i'm working 30+ hours a week which is soo much better then school. honestly i love my job. i'm a secretary for a marina in ftl and it's just an amazing job. i play around on the computer all day and don't really do much. but when i do have work i put my whole being into getting it done. i just love my job.
i miss having my friends 10 feet away and it sucks so bad but i can't do anything about it. that's part of growing up.

my family is all getting along good lately which is fantastic!
i honestly think i'm out of things to write which sucks cuz i forgot how much i like to write in this thing.

alright well i'm out i won't waste anymore space.

i wonder who still uses lj?

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 20:36:46 GMT

so i haven't updated in a LONG LONG TIME.
life is grand.
w.e
went through some tough tough stuff this past year.
suicide destroys don't ever try it.

i'm a senior! 30+ days left! sah-weet!
um.
i'm 18.
um.
that's about it.
how's everyone doing these days?

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 17:11:16 GMT

so somewhere along the way of becoming friends i fell for him. it was stupid of me & i knew it wouldn't work. but i had it in my head that we we're just as we appeared,... just friends.

but then he did something to me that i couldn't ignore & suddenly rumors were flying that we were "dating."

i'm so glad everyone takes such an avid interest in my personal life.

as a result of running their mouths about ME, i ended up without him in my life at all.

i really appreciate it guys.

not that it's anyone's business but my own but he & i weren't dating nor are we nor will we ever, & now i can't even call him & cry to him because i need my best friend back.

on another note of this random update:
my sister ~~might~~ has a serious issue. she had to be scraped *i'm told it's quite painful* to check for cervical cancer.

i'm highly concerned and am tired. i stress about it nonstop and so i'm not sleeping and so i'm doing poorly in school and fighting with my parents pretty much nonstop. i hate it.

and it appears that my ex whom i remained good friends with is now dating the person solely responsible for me loosing my best friend. i feel so completely betrayed by him that i want to not call him ever again. so i don't.

i cried to him the other night about everything and he was all like wow that sucks. and i expected a call the next day but he didn't call. and he wonders why i say she's a bitch.

so i hope everyone's lives are running a little bit smoother then my own and
have a great thanksgiving.

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 14:14:08 GMT

so i had a crazyass dream last night. well actually a series of weird dreams.
firstly: hunter & i were hanging out with my mom & sister, we were drivin in hunter's truck & my mom & sister were behind us. it was just odd.
secondly: mike & i were hanging out @ like a rest station(?) on the side of the road kinda thing. & we were still being on break,.. & then like i walked away & he followed me cuz we were with a bunch of random people that in my dream i knew but i didn't actually know,.. so we walk away & im like shaking cuz im upset & we just start talking. ok so this whole break thing played a major role in this. we talked about how i keep hearin that he is having other girls sleep at the house, & he heard that i was hanging out with my ex *whom mike despises* & my ex's friend *whom mike thinks wants in my pants* so i get all pissy & respond "i went to dinner one night with sam's bf @ sam's work & kurt was there." & he was all like i'm sorry baby & tried to like grab me to hold me & i was like don't touch me. it was just odd. but now i need to talk to mike becuz i don't want to wait 2 weeks for him to figure this shit out.

cuz in real life now: mike & i have been together for more then a month & we're on break while he decides if i am what he wants. i'm sorry but like it's been 4 days since we're on break. i don't know anymore. his whole family thinks he is being stupid for this. his sister told him he's a jackass! his roommate thinks he's being a jackass! EVERYONE THAT KNOWS THINKS HE IS BEING A JACKASS!!! but w/e. i'm just tired of this. i told him he has a grand total of 2 weeks to figure this all out. he won't call or text me, i haven't talked to him since, & i even called him to say happy birthday yesterday.

thirdly: i had a dream involving kurt. idk. i don't even really remember it, i just remember that kurt was in my dream.

ok so i hope everyone is well & everything is going good for everyone else.

leave me comments & tell me everything is allright with you.

Wed, 31 May 2006 14:12:57 GMT

so maybe i've fallen even though i told him not to.
maybe i have finally lost it.
idk.
but then again.
maybe it's not love.
idk.
but he makes me smile. he doesn't abuse me.
& yeah.
maybe it's just that finally someone treats me right.
i don't know but i'm really happy.

Fri, 03 Mar 2006 23:12:34 GMT

so i havent done this shit in forever............
life's been relatively good
i have fun with my new friends
i miss some of my old ones.
some
not all

so yeah
lifes actually been super fun
i go out alot with the new friends & i love this girl nancy
seriously she's like my best friend

yeah
i know a shit load of jens now
& i love em all

so yeah
i hope everythings great for everyone else

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 18:54:04 GMT

i dislike that pepople dislike me when i did nothing wrong to them
so y does he dislike me?
i wouldnt care if it was someone i could avoid easily *ok not true i would still care* but its the kid i work with

& i gotta work with him today
fuck.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 12:01:21 GMT

i hope life gets better from here.

i'm beginning to think it never will.

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 01:21:54 GMT

fuck

FUCK

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 00:15:20 GMT

i was going to elaborate on my previous entry but i realized that more people comment when i have short entries.
so
ill leave it be.
but

i hate myself & i hate YOU for making me hate ME

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 12:00:03 GMT

well...

fuck you.

Fri, 18 Nov 2005 12:08:05 GMT

3 hours on the phone with jason last night left me like 3 hours sleep.
fucking tired.
but good news is that jason & smurf are back in my life. we hung out at the mall & did silly childish things b4 i went to work.
i really really fucking missed them
lisa is gonna fucking kill me wen she gets home from retreat *today* haha
*lisa & smurf used to go out & jason is smurf's best friend & im lisa's best friend & im not supposed to talk to smurf haha but its ok for lisa to talk to jason (dont ask)*
ok
god
i was sooo happy yesterday just walkin around with them.
u hafta understand smurf is like 5'1" maybe 5'2" & jason is a giant like 6'5" or something
so they already look HYSTERICAL together
& wen u add me to the combination its just funny. it must have looked mighty amusing to ppl to see us all hanging out.

god im so happy that shit is back to normal with me & them. i really missed those boys

he swore to me

Thu, 17 Nov 2005 11:57:14 GMT

he swore to me he wouldnt
ever do wat the rest of them did
"no" he said "i would never hurt you"
bullshit.
again today i lost my heart again today i cried.
& i was just gettin used to the feelings i had.
boys are dumb & they all lie.
they watch ur heart break, help u through it & then turn around & break it again.
he said it isnt fair to ME as if I really cared.
he said its just not working out & i smiled
i did wat i always do smile & walk away.
try not to show the tears falling down my painted face.
no i ddint see him much, but it made it even better for wen i did.
& he was happy just holding me, becuz it meant i was his.
& now its over.
are we still friends?
that i just dont know.
im tired of tryin so hard only to fall flat on my face.
again.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 19:09:52 GMT

can someone make me a super cool layout involving duckies? *like rubber duckies* that are pink?
pllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeee
and then u can apply it for me cuz im computer illetirate ppppllllleeeeeaaaasssseee
i'll give u my password so u can do it for me if u leave me a comment sayin that u love me & ull do it for mer
thanks!!!!

& CAN SOMEONE please make me a super coool icon.

Mon, 07 Nov 2005 22:15:38 GMT

haha
karma
is
lovely
chase, after all the shit he talkd n all the hurt he caused is gettin a dose of his own medicine.
that's right boys & girls.
chase likes a girl who is talking shit about him.
good.
asshole.

Sun, 06 Nov 2005 01:31:44 GMT

so
last night
we *lisa,kyle,sebastian.bradley,lauren,megan, and i* went to SAW 2.
i hafta say it was rpety good
well i should start off the story properly.
after school 5 people and i crammed into the cab of my truck *haha* n i took chris home then we all came to my house but i made the boys *bradley,kyle,sebastian* sit in the truck while lisa came in to say hi to my dad n she n i changed. then we all went to kyle's house n chilled for a few hours *like 4* n they made me watch saw 1 so i would understand saw 2. haha that was funny.
n then we all went to go watch saw 2 n bradley totally broke tradition to sit with lauren *bradley sits next to me so that he can tell me wats gonna happen EVERY movie we have ever seen together* so i sat with this cutie sebastian. he's adorable. n idk but i think he was attracted to me n i was def. attracted to him.
n kyle lisa n sebastian n i had a piggyback ride race. lol. n then after the movei we allw ent to kfc decided it was to full n walkd to winndixie n then we all just walkd around the parking lot for a bit it was fun. n then i took the boys back to kyle's house where they were stayin we chilled for a lil bit n then i took lisa home n spent the night there. we watchd billengvall n laughd n talkd on the fone n then yeah.
it was alot of fun i must say.
n it negated the huge fight resulting in my not allowed out 2nite ness that happened today.
tomorrow ill clean n then taylor *she comes home from tampa 2morrow WOOOOT* & i will go to youth.
excitedness.
ok
calllllll

<3

Wed, 02 Nov 2005 00:42:03 GMT

You never looked so good
As you did lastnight
Underneath the city lights
There walking with your friend
Laughing at the moon
I swear you looked right through me
But I'm still livin' with your goodbye
And you're just goin' on with your life

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

You, I hear you're doin' fine
Seems like you're doin' well
As far as I can tell
Time is leaving us behind
(Leavin' us behind)
Another week has passed
And still I haven't laughed yet
So tell me what your secret is
To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did

How can you just walk on by
Without one tear in your eye
Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me
Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved at all

Did you forget the magic
Did you forget the passion
Did you ever miss me
Ever long to kiss meeeee....

Maybe that's just your way
Of dealing with the pain
Forgetting everything between our rise and fall
Like we never loved...at alllllll....

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 21:49:54 GMT

so im an idiot
of course.
but in other news
im in michigan til sunday cuz of a funeral my dad's foster dad died so he n i came up here.
its kinda boring being up here but i made a friend @ the hotel
his name is aaron.
hes flirting with me n it just feels nice to be liked.
haha.
found out that chase was only ever with me to get laid n then he stoppd being nice becuz i kept sayin no.
serves his dumbass right.
but it also kinda hurt me that thats how guys think of me. that im just a peice of ass.
yeah
ok
call me cell n make it vibrate
late gator

Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:34:53 GMT

i totally dont even have time for this thing anymore.
so here we go:
lately ive been sick
like with a cold
and like of ppl. like all the gay ass ppl that i thought were my friends but rnt.
n im tired of being bullshittd.
like fuck u. dont fucking lie to my face n expect me not to a) notice and b) care and c) forgive u.

how many times am i expected to let shit go? no im not letting this one go.

so if i start to be a bitch if i start to take shit up with u just understand its cuz i am FED UP.
ur not as cool as u think u r
ur not gonna be able to burn me n burn me n then one day need me. no
fuck u.
ur a whore.
u fuckd up n u lied about it to me. i thought u knew better but i guess i was wrong.

i always had ur back no matter wat shit went down but dont fucking call me cuz ur lil ass is gonna get beat cuz once again u ran ur mouth n didnt have the balls to back it up. dont call me. cuz i will laugh at ur ass congratulate the kid that beat u up n hang up on ur ass.

try me.
u know i will.

in other news,..
no one wants tyo take me to PC homecoming and i am quite depressed about that.
thanks guys.
even cory has a diff date.
so does alb n jordan isnt going n rachel has a date n like everyone has a date. which isnt cool.

in other news after a long time of not speaking brett has acknowledged me again. which is good cuz i missd him.

in other other news i broke down n called chase. probably a mistake but i dont like how it ended with us. so im gonna fix it.
he's tired of the other girl she pissd him off *stupid whore didnt deserve him* n he's done with her supposedly.
not that im gonna get back with him but i miss him n i wanna see him.

tomorrow im going to Orlando with Lisa *my BFFFFFFFFF* her dad n mom *Donald n Barbara (i love them)* her sister *Allison* n Allison's bf *Danny* so its like this big huge family thing that I was invited to cuz ima pimp. haha. n lisa's bf Kyle n my friend Bradley r going too but idk if we'll see them.
i kinda hope we do.
but ye-ah.

long entry that was.
ima go get ready for el practice!

<3

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 13:56:06 GMT

so
last nigth i went to round up n line danced.
n im doing it again next sunday from 6-9
AMBER is gonna go with me *she doesnt know it yet but she is*

everyone else is of course invited to join me....

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 01:52:01 GMT

im tired of thinkin that i found a great guy only to be told that it wont work n that we shud just be friends im tired of guys wanting to be with me n then like 4 days later wen they ahvent gotten ass yet they suddenly dont want to be with me if u wanna have a fucking hookup thats fine but make it clear dont trick me into thinking itll be something it clearly wont b

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 19:53:52 GMT

today in school,....
we played bubblegum bubblegum in a dish
n rock paper scissors shoot
n slaps

god i love this school.
its so gay!
good times.

im in love with GUS!!!!
and kenny
kenny is like 6'3" amazing football player with like dark blonde hair n prettiest eyes ever,.. n i love him o so much but he has a gf.. turd...
but we always like close each others lockers n today he closed mine n so i put my lock on his n left it there
OMG it was so funny.
im in love with him i think.
or gus
gus is like 6'2" with dark hair n dark eyes n the most amazing hugs EVER. geezus i heart him too...
so either one...
i want one of them,..
they r so fucking hot.

o man.

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 01:00:53 GMT

so life is amazing right now but yeah,.. ((((A MAZING *2 seperate words due largly and by largly i mean totally to jason))))))
jason is soo friggin cool! omg!! school is great though like i really love it lisa is the shit i mean the girl is my long lost friggin twin! she's so great
ok so jason n i spent nearly all day 2gether yesterday @ his paintball workplace... which resulted in me n him covered in welts from me shootin him **he was the ref wen i playd so i shot him "by accident" haha n then smurf (lisa's boyfriend real name david) would shoot me "by accident" o god it was fun...**
but yeah
school is so easy n FUN
BUT apparently this girl whom i thought was chill with me isnt... apparently she talks shit behind my back *now why am i not surprised?* w/e
its ok with me...
im sorry everyone isnt having as great of a time as me... my condolences!

woooot
im like really happy right now..
i really hope shiot works out for me n jason but if it doesnt it doesnt im not sweating about it

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 10:53:03 GMT

hello beautifuls,..
im gonna clean out my friends page
so if ur still active n still consider me a friend leave me a comment NOW so that i dont accidentally delete u for no reason,....

please also make sure u guys have my myspace? (myspace.com/xomandiox3)